It is that time of year again. The Holi-Daze. Whether you celebrate or don’t. Whether you observe Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, Yule, Christmas or all/some/none of the above it is very, very likely there will be family get togethers at some point in December or January. As Bi+ folks this can result in celebration, if you have a supportive family/friend group, or in anxiety, if you do not have the support you deserve. So, how do you survive and, even…possibly thrive in this busy, buzzy time of year. Well, I have a few tips and tricks I have learned over the decades.
First, I want to make crystal clear that your beautiful Bi+ self is valid, valuable and worthy of support and, actually, celebration…just for being your shining, sparkling self. However, as Bisexuals we are often not accorded proper respect and acknowledgement of our sexuality.
We hear the usual claptrap at the dinner table:
**oh, you’re dating a boy/girl now?! So you’ve finally decided you’re straight/gay!
**You really have to stop with this Bisexual ‘thing’. We all know you are just doing it for attention.
**I knew a Bi guy/girl once. They finally admitted they were just gay. When are you going to do that?
**Hey, (always said in a hushed whisper) do you have a lot of threesomes?
**I don’t really think ANYONE is really Bisexual or I think EVERYONE is Bisexual. (Of note, this is often said with a heaping helping of pompous authority by someone who could not buy a clue.)
It is really hard to handle all this nonsense along with any other family drama which may take place. You just want to have a lovely time, connect with family, and not have to explain every single little thing about whom you find attractive and what is going on with your love/sex life. Is it really too much to ask? I am here to tell you it is not. You have every right to be yourself AND enjoy yourself.
So, I have a suggestion. It may be difficult but set boundaries. Bisexual people have no more responsibility to explain their sexuality than anyone else. No one questions Aunt Agnes as to why she has been married to that asshole Uncle Dudley for all these painful years. No one asks Cousin Sheila why she won’t commit to her boyfriend, Justin and never invites him to family functions. Folks rarely question straight people and their relationships at the holidays and, nowadays, families are much more accepting of their gay/lesbian family members, too. They should accord you the same respect as they do to folks who are not multi-gender attracted and you should expect their respect.
Tell family members to allow you to lead the conversation about who you are dating/if you are dating and indicate if they have crossed a line it is just not okay. If you have supportive family members enlist their help. You don’t have to do this alone if there is someone who will give you a hand.
You are not required to divulge personal data. Sometimes silence is the best option. If someone gets a bit too nosy you could always ask them an uncomfortably personal question just to let them know how it feels.
Remember, you are an amazing, magical bisexual/pansexual/queer/multi-gender attracted individual and you don’t need anyone’s permission to be yourself. And, if it gets to be too much you have options. There is no reason you cannot leave a situation which is making you feel uncomfortable. Your peace of mind matters and you do not have to tolerate poor behavior from folks just because they are family.
You matter. You are valid. Even if you are still trying to figure out exactly who you are no one has the right to give you the third degree. Kindness and compassion should be served at every holiday event. Your attendance is not mandatory. Self-care is important.
The most important thing is to make sure you feel healthy and happy. If that means attending an alternative event at a local LGBT center or being with supportive friends then do that. At the end of the day, do what you need to do acknowledge and respect yourself. ❤
The Bi-Fi Signal 